Babe, you got this.

I've been feeling pretty down lately. It's like everything is just catching up on me and I can't juggle my responsibilities anymore. When I try to look for support or for some sort of comfort, the people I expected to be there for me turn out to cause me more misery. I feel so miserable. Day by day, I wake up hoping things might get better, but it doesn't.

I try to stay positive and I try to keep up but it's just not working. I've lost interest in working because I know all the money will go to someone else anyway. I find it hard to understand why I'm paying rent in my family's house. I'd feel so much better paying rent to a stranger. So, basically, I'm not sure if my family wants to help me out or wants to bury me deeper into more debt. 

When I turn to the person I thought I can talk to, he's not available. Like I'm some inconvenience he can't find time for. As if his schedule was that of a CEO that he can't find time to remember me. 

It's frustrating what I got myself into. If I remember correctly, I stood up for him that's why I'm in this rut in the first place. A decision I made a year ago, fuck. Me and my stupidity. 

But you know what, I got this. Hell, it would have been awesome to hear it from someone else. But, screw everything else. I got this. 

And right now, I can't help myself thinking, 'if you weren't around during my down times, you don't deserve to be part of my high times'.

Babe, you got this.

No Excuses

I love Pinterest and Tumblr and I follow a lot of health and fitness blogs. So, as expected, I see a lot of posts and photos of healthy diet plans, exercise plans and yehp, sexy bodies. I'm not talking about porno-sexy kind of bodies. I'm talking about healthy, fit, lean bodies of women who take the time to eat right and exercise regularly. Aaaanndd, more often than not, it leaves me feeling really bad about myself. It leaves me feeling depressed. 

To be honest, I can't count how many times I've attempted to start eating clean and working out. I'd be successful for a week or two, then something just comes up and ruins my progress and I feel so hopeless because I have to go back to square one. So, instead of doing so, I actually quit it and go back to old habits. Not the best idea but I can't really reason with myself sometimes. 

I'm unreasonable most of the time. So, as part of my most recent attempt, I found time to run during my break at work. It helped a lot especially in curbing my appetite. Boredom is one of my biggest enemy when it comes to food. I eat when I'm bored. The running helped stop that. Soooo, due to my vanity which I don't really want to post in Facebook. Allow me to post it here!

 These photos are before and after pictures. I'd take a photo after a run and then take another one an hour after changing and freshening up. 

 I don't really care if I smell like sweat. My work environment gives me the freedom to actually go to work in my jammies. Sooo, yeah. 

 I can be pretty vain sometimes. And sooo, I actually have more but yeah. 

Like, things were going okay until this happened: 

So, yeah. Back to square one. Though I think I'm a lot better compared to the previous attempts. I know I can get back on track easily. Also, I've learned to run alone. I used to run with my bestfriend but she's out of the country right now.