Emotional Breakdown: Meh

When someone important doesn't cancel his meeting to cater to your tantrum and emotional break down. I can just imagine how Dee Dee must have felt. 

Vertical Garden Ideas for Small Spaces

This post is specifically for one of my Korean students. I work as an English teacher for a phone class company and to be honest, it's a little hard to feel like you've achieved something or taught something to someone when the time is really short. I feel inadequate at times. Like I want to say more and explain further but the time limit is a total deal-breaker. 

Anyway, one of my students, Hyo Seon, is among my favorite. She's expressive and very thoughtful. From the conversations we've had, I can get the impression that she's a good person. Hesitant, most of the time and very bashful. So, hopefully, she sees this. 

I suggested she can try gardening in their apartment but as I am not equipped to judge how apartments look like in Korea, I'm not sure if it's feasible. I might probably be suggesting something to her that I really like to do, but never found the will to start.

Those who can't do, teach. What a saying for someone who's got a lot of plans that never materialize. Bah. Anyway, I hope she sees it. If I ever get my own apartment, I'll make sure to make all my dream projects come to reality. 

Dragging Myself, It's Just Tuesday

Wish I had more running clothes. It can get pretty boring when I open my closet and find I have to wear the same thing I wore a couple of days ago. I feel like I'm going wash and wear more often than I'd like to. It's a Tuesday and I'm already feeling dragged my this lack of fashionable running attire. 

Looking forward to new running shoes.. Which might be a long time from now. LOL. Damn it, I also need more sports bras. And I'd buy more if only they weren't so damn expensive. Rawrr.. Tuesday blues. 

Joe and April's Wedding

I lived with an uncle during my last year in high school. I didn't really know during that time why I was sent to the province. I'm not a very difficult child. In fact, when I look back, I was pretty mild compared to my siblings. I mean, sure. I answer back and I felt I was right all the time. Well, add to that the fact that I felt I was being treated unfairly. Bahh. Looking back, I'm pretty sure there's something wrong.

Anyway, living with a second family, this is my second father. I didn't see him as a friend that time. I think I was hostile towards every adult. But I learned a lot from my uncle. His disciplinary measures were good. If we wanted to go out, there would always be a condition. And, he would ask us what time we can commit to be home. If we didn't keep it, we weren't allowed to go out the next time. He was fair. It wasn't NO all the time. He would give options. And that's what I love about him. Anyway, here he is. Sleeping at the terrace a couple of hours before his son's wedding.

This here with me is my favorite cousin. Well, my second favorite. We make really bad decisions and despite not growing up together, we cover for each other's asses a lot. 

I think red's a good color for me. I feel pretty in it. I feel powerful too.


I'd say more about the wedding but I never was an attentive person in a wedding.

Two Sunrises, Two Sunsets

Less than a year ago I wrote someone "two sunrises, two sunsets. Take an adventure with me this month"

It never really happened. We had one sunrise together. Not really, we saw one while inside a moving van.

Now, I'm pretty tired of waiting for those sunsets and sunrises. I'll have it alone. I'll watch them alone. I'll sit somewhere and wait for the sun to set. I'll run in the morning to watch the sun rise. I've been waiting for him. But I'm pretty tired.

I don't want to wait for someone anymore. I don't need anyone to make my life better.

Babe, you got this.

I've been feeling pretty down lately. It's like everything is just catching up on me and I can't juggle my responsibilities anymore. When I try to look for support or for some sort of comfort, the people I expected to be there for me turn out to cause me more misery. I feel so miserable. Day by day, I wake up hoping things might get better, but it doesn't.

I try to stay positive and I try to keep up but it's just not working. I've lost interest in working because I know all the money will go to someone else anyway. I find it hard to understand why I'm paying rent in my family's house. I'd feel so much better paying rent to a stranger. So, basically, I'm not sure if my family wants to help me out or wants to bury me deeper into more debt. 

When I turn to the person I thought I can talk to, he's not available. Like I'm some inconvenience he can't find time for. As if his schedule was that of a CEO that he can't find time to remember me. 

It's frustrating what I got myself into. If I remember correctly, I stood up for him that's why I'm in this rut in the first place. A decision I made a year ago, fuck. Me and my stupidity. 

But you know what, I got this. Hell, it would have been awesome to hear it from someone else. But, screw everything else. I got this. 

And right now, I can't help myself thinking, 'if you weren't around during my down times, you don't deserve to be part of my high times'.

Babe, you got this.

No Excuses

I love Pinterest and Tumblr and I follow a lot of health and fitness blogs. So, as expected, I see a lot of posts and photos of healthy diet plans, exercise plans and yehp, sexy bodies. I'm not talking about porno-sexy kind of bodies. I'm talking about healthy, fit, lean bodies of women who take the time to eat right and exercise regularly. Aaaanndd, more often than not, it leaves me feeling really bad about myself. It leaves me feeling depressed. 

To be honest, I can't count how many times I've attempted to start eating clean and working out. I'd be successful for a week or two, then something just comes up and ruins my progress and I feel so hopeless because I have to go back to square one. So, instead of doing so, I actually quit it and go back to old habits. Not the best idea but I can't really reason with myself sometimes. 

I'm unreasonable most of the time. So, as part of my most recent attempt, I found time to run during my break at work. It helped a lot especially in curbing my appetite. Boredom is one of my biggest enemy when it comes to food. I eat when I'm bored. The running helped stop that. Soooo, due to my vanity which I don't really want to post in Facebook. Allow me to post it here!

 These photos are before and after pictures. I'd take a photo after a run and then take another one an hour after changing and freshening up. 

 I don't really care if I smell like sweat. My work environment gives me the freedom to actually go to work in my jammies. Sooo, yeah. 

 I can be pretty vain sometimes. And sooo, I actually have more but yeah. 

Like, things were going okay until this happened: 

So, yeah. Back to square one. Though I think I'm a lot better compared to the previous attempts. I know I can get back on track easily. Also, I've learned to run alone. I used to run with my bestfriend but she's out of the country right now.